I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
ok first of all what the fuck
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