Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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