Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
