My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
