Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
