we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
