She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
