Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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