Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
