I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
