holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
