New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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