Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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