i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
