3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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