can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
