She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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