Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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