Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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