if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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