I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
