a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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