I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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