Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
