Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
