oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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