she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
