now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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