return my video game
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
