The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
