im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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