What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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