And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
