I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
