well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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