Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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