I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
