your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
