I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
