worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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