Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
