I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
