roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
