I think I died a long time ago.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
