He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
