Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Bring me that man meat
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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