I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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