I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
