Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
