It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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