You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
