Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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