Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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