actually, I'm a sock model
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
