OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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